


Eyes Wide Open

by Marie_Phantom



Series: Tumbleweed (Blowing In The Wind) [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Intersex Loki, Jötunn Loki, Loki's Lips Sewn Shut, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Thor Is Not Stupid, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 11:55:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2149848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Phantom/pseuds/Marie_Phantom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki spends a month in Avengers Tower before anyone notices that he is there.</p>
<p>This is what happened during that month.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eyes Wide Open

**Author's Note:**

> From now on, stories will exist in chronological order during the series.
> 
> This is my first time writing porn for this site, so please be nice!

True to his word, for the first 6 days, Loki slept.

Even when they were leaving the hospital, Loki's head was starting to loll against Thor's shoulder, and when he left Loki in the car so he could have a quiet chat with J.A.R.V.I.S about public enemy number 1 staying on Thor's floor, he came back to find Loki breathing softly through his nose as he dozed against the window. Thor realised that Loki was in no state to walk, so he picked him up, rested Loki's head against his shoulder, and carried him to Thor's bead. Thor then stripped Loki of his clothes (known all to well that Loki liked to sleep nude) and gently tucked the slumbering man in. Loki had buried his head under a pillow, gave a soft sigh, and continued sleeping on.

Thor busied himself about his kitchen, walking back to the bedroom to place a glass of water by Loki's head, then making himself a strong cup of coffee and getting several Pop-Tarts ready on a plate. He knew Loki wasn't going to eat them, too deep in slumber, but Thor was hungry and when he had finished, he settled himself alongside Loki on the bed, coffee in one hand and a book ( _A Brief History of Time_ ) in the other. 

He really thought that this Stephen Hawking was a genius amongst Midgardians, and if he could, he would visit this man and discuss Black Hole theory with him. It would be a fascinating conversation.

When he finished the coffee and snacks, but was still reading the book, he allowed his hand to lay on Loki's head, where he tangled his fingers in Loki's greasy hair. He was momentarily disgraced by the feel, and he grimaced, but then resolved to wash Loki's hair next. He continued to tangle his fingers and scratch gently at Loki's skull. Loki released a soft sigh and nuzzled closer to Thor, stopping when his head was pressed against Thor's thigh.

Thor's heart squeezed, and he closed his eyes, keeping back tears of joy. Loki used to do this as a child, when Thor had been reading and Loki, who at that age had had a shorter attention span, had dozed alongside him.

But now they were grown men, and nuzzling could lead to other things.

Thor shook his head sharply. There would be all the time in the world when Loki woke up to explore this possibilities. Now, Loki was ill and asleep. He glared at his twitching cock, which deflated, and went back to reading from this very interesting book. 

Thor had always enjoyed his star studies, and talks of other worlds. Despite what others had thought, if allowed to voice his knowledge, he would have been an expert on the World Tree, and the worlds that lay about it's branches. As a youngster and young man, his thoughts had been on conquering those worlds, but now he had been humbled, he wanted to learn about them. Loki had also taken to those studies, but whilst Loki had enjoyed virtually any subject, and his knowledge was for reaching, Thor's only textbooks that had had to be rebound had been those about stars.

So when he talked to Jane Foster, he actually knew what she was talking about. Many would have been surprised by this, but Thor was perfectly willing to allow people to think him stupid, just so he could look and enjoy their expressions of shock when he opened his mouth and expounded on the possibilities of other universes.

He wasn't Loki's closest family for nothing.

Thor finished the book. The pages had been dog-eared where his favourite passages and theories were, in hopes that he would get to discuss this with Professor Hawking. He decided to make good on his thoughts about giving Loki a bath, and stood up, walking to his bathroom. There was a bathtub so huge he could sit and wallow in comfort, with a detachable shower head that he thought was a fantastic addition. After battles, he had always enjoyed a nice soak, but this, to him, was shear paradise. 

He turned on the taps, and water started filling in the tub. He aimed the temperature for war but not hot, so that Loki didn't wake up, and as the tub filled, he trapped his shampoo and conditioner and set them by the nozzle. He left the room and crossed to the bed, where Loki had not moved. As he gently pulled back the duvet, Loki groaned in his sleep and frowned.

"Easy, my love." Thor whispered, stroking a hand across Loki's brow, which smoothed out. "Just a bath, to get you clean."

"Mmmmmm, Thor." Loki whispered, and sighed back into sleep. Thor smiled gently and picked Loki up in his arms, carrying him to the bathroom and lowering him gently into the water. Loki did not wake, and Thor folded up a towel and put it at Loki's neck, protecting his head from the hard enamel.

He gently cleaned Loki, rubbing his skin softly, and when it came to washing his hair, Loki sighed again when he felt the water slipping through the strands, and didn't fight Thor. When it was finished, Thor gently rubbed Loki dry, and slipped him back into the bed. He followed when he had cleaned the bathroom, even though it was early evening. He stripped as well and fished out his sleeping trousers, putting them on and getting into bed as well. Loki moved over and Thor pulled him against his chest, so he felt Loki's soft breath against his skin. He breathed in deep once, and closed his eyes, clipping off into slumber.

 

 

*********************

 

 

It was day 4 when Thor was in the comical kitchen, making omelettes, when he saw Steve for the first time since the hospital. The soldier wandered into the kitchen bleary eyed, rubbing a and through his hair and making it stand on end.

"Good morning, Steve." Thor said, turning back to his omelettes. Steve yawned in reply and went to the espresso maker, hitting the button and waiting for his cup to finish filling before he answered.

"Hi Thor."

"Omelettes?" Thor offered, turning around and offering the skillet. Steve's eyes lightened up and he nodded. Thor grinned and pulled out a plate, gently shaking out a huge mushroom, pepper and ham omelette onto it. He put it in front of Steve, along with cutlery and salt and pepper before starting on his own.

"Thanks." Steve said and stared to make his way through the offering. There was silence for a bit, as Thor made his own, then he sat down alongside Steve.

"I have not seen you since the hospital." He said. Steve shrugged, looking slightly sheepish.

"Yeah. Bucky's in the Tower lock up being assessed, and I've been staying with him. He doesn't do well, alone."

"I understand."

Steve looked slightly frustrated. "It's like, what they did to him, they totally re-made him." 

"Similar to that this Red Room did to Natasha, and what Loki did to Clint."

"Yeah, kinda like that." Steve ran a hand through his hair, looking frustrated. "He remembers me, but sometimes the Soldier is too strong, and when he comes out of it, he remembers what the Soldier did. It's a horrible cycle he's trapped in. I wish I could take what the Soldier remembers away from him."

"If he forgets what the Soldier did," Thor said, thinking, "then how would you explain his arm? His ability to fight? The time lapse. Steve, he needs these memories, because memories make people who they are." Thor looked at Steve, a sudden thought filling him with concern. "Do you desire the person he was, and can you not reconcile that with the person he is now?"

"No!" Steve said, shocked. "Even when he was the Winter Soldier, he was Bucky. He was my Bucky. He couldn't even kill me, even when they scrapped everything out of his head and put violence and pain in there as replacements." Steve swallowed, cutting his omelette into smaller and smaller pieces. "It just hurts, to see him in so much pain."

"There is good pain, healing pain, and there is bad pain. Pain that breaks you." Thor finished his omelette and put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "For Bucky, this is healing pain. If he can remember what he did, and feel remorse over it, then he is becoming himself. From what I can gather, the man that was remade through pain would not feel remorse over anything."

Steve licked his lips. "I suppose," he said, slowly, "it is possible that Bucky can be both?" He looked at Thor with hope in his eyes. Thor shrugged his shoulders and picked up Steve's plate, putting the left over omelette onto his own and then eating it.

"If Bucky can use what he learned as the Soldier, and apply it to the betterment of this world, then perhaps he can rest easy with his memories, knowing that in some small way, he is atoning for his sins." Thor looked at Steve out of the corner of his eye as he ate, watching him digest this news.

Steve gave Thor a small smile. "You know, Tony's thinks you're pretty thick." Thor raised an eyebrow in question. "Stupid." Thor grinned.

"It is an image I have long cultivated." He stood up and went to the sink, washing the plates.

"Why's that?"

"Enemies do not expect it, so I always catch them by surprise. And," he said lowly, barley audible over the sound of running water, "Loki needed a role amongst my friends, so I gave him the role of the genius. It was well deserved."

Steve looked around for a moment, then leaned into Thor, whispering "Where is Loki?"

"With me, sleeping."

"I take it you explained things to J.A.R.V.I.S." 

Thor nodded.

"When he wakes up, I might come and see him. Say thanks." 

Thor smiled softly. "I am sure he would like that."

Steve moved away, going back to Bucky, and Thor finished drying and went back to his floor, where he spent the rest of the day, dozing in the sunshine alongside Loki.

 

 

*****************

 

 

When Thor came back to his bed, two days later, he was overjoyed to find Loki sitting up in bed, running a hand through his clean hair.

"Thor." he said, smiling softly. Thor walked over to the bed and leaned over, gently kissing soft lips.

"Welcome back, my love." Thor whispered.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Loki spent week two following Thor around his floor like a duckling. He didn't let Thor out of his sight for longer that half an hour, and whilst Thor thought he would soon have got annoyed by this, he found that he enjoyed having Loki in close proximity to himself. They spent evenings curled around each other, like pretzels, watching movies from Thor's Netflix queue.

Loki didn't talk much, that week. Thor figured out pretty early on in life that Loki would not be bullied into talking, and that Loki would talk when he was good and ready. 

Loki spent a lot of time in the bathroom, taking long, luxurious baths with as much bubble bath as he could. Thor would often come back to his floor to see Loki lounging in hot water, staring blankly at the wall. When that happened, Thor would get one of his newest fiction books (he was amazed at the imagination of Midgardians, and had become an avid reader in his time here) and would sit on the floor beside the bath, reading to Loki in a soft voice. Often, he would entwine his fingers with Loki's wet hand that had been draped out of the bath. Loki's expression remained blank and fixed on the wall, but Thor knew he listened, because he reacted minutely whenever something in the story happened to a character he liked.

Thor was reading book 5 five of the Harry Potter series (a favourite) when Loki stirred in his bath and turned his head to Thor and said drowsily "I rather like the Snape fellow. I hope nothing happens to him."

Thor closed the book and set it gently on his knee. "Yes, I rather like him as well. He reminds me a bit of you."

Loki frowned. "How so?"

Thor smiled. "Snarky, acerbic, doesn't suffer fools," Thor kissed each finger as he listed off qualities, "dark haired, pale. Misunderstood."

"Hmmm. I can see why you like him then." Loki smiled at Thor. "Carry on."

Loki's reaction to The Deathly Hallows was slightly different. 

"He's fucking dead?!" Loki sat up sharply in the bath, causing water to slosh over the side and wetting the floor. Thor ignored it, staring hard at the text with a frown. 

"That's vexing." Thor mumbled.

"She's killed off the best fucking character? Oh, it had BETTER be for a bloody good reason!"

"I'm sure it was." Thor soothed, setting Loki back into the tub. He reheated the water and continued to read on. When he finished, there was silence in the bathroom, whilst Loki and Thor thought about the book.

"That's rather a fitting tribute to him, don't you think?" Thor asked softly, gently stroking Loki's hand. Loki nodded.

"To name a son after an enemy, and praise him, is a rather beautiful thing. I think that the Snape fellow was properly honoured."

Thor smiled.

When they discovered that there were movies made of the books, Thor didn't turn up to a meeting with the Avengers all day, as he and Loki marathoner them. Thor knew he was right to bring tissues with him, as both he and Loki bawled their eyes out, both at Snape's death and at the ending of the entire series.

"We really are pathetic." Loki said, still sniffling. Thor nodded and grinned wetly.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Thor knew he was going to have a rough time at the start of week three, when he walked into the bathroom and found Loki looking intently at his mouth in the mirror. Thor was about to ask what he was looking at when the light caught on the shiny patch of skin around Loki's lips, and he felt the bottom drop out of his stomach as he realised Loki was looking at the scars from when he had had his lips sewn shut.

"Loki." Thor whispered, reaching out. Loki tensed when Thor touched his shoulder, and Thor felt his body go cold.

"You did that."

Thor didn't say anything. Loki slowly turned around and fixed Thor with hollow eyes.

"You did that, to my face."

"Loki, I-"

"To. My. FACE!"

Thor released Loki's shoulder and stepped back. He knew that to communicate with Loki in a rage, Loki must be allowed his room, not be caged.

"You know what could have happened if I had not." Thor said, standing his ground. He would not bend, he must be allowed to speak his piece.

"My own brother, sewed my lips shut." Loki was sneering. "Did you feel good, pulling the thread through my skin?"

"Loki, I vomited shortly afterwards."

Loki appeared not to hear that. "It must had felt like paradise, me beneath you, struggling. Did you get hard, brother? Did you want to violate me another way? Did you want to prove that _you_ were the bigger man, that everyone should be beneath you?" 

Thor gaped, deeply offended. "Loki!"

"I must have felt  _so good_ , me squirming beneath your great body! I was crying, wasn't I? I cried, and it must have been Valhalla, to see the Cold Loki break like a vase and show emotion! How superior you must have felt, to refuse the Unfeeling One to base emotion! Did that get you off? Did you-"

"NEVER!" Thor could not take it anymore, he seized Loki by the shoulders and shook him, hard. "I begged Odin, I begged him that I might take you punishment instead! I could not bear to see you so afraid, so I begged him to my lips should be the ones that were sewn shut! But he insisted! He insisted, and he said I should do it." Thor realised that tears were coursing down his face, and his hand left Loki's shoulders, reaching up and gently cupping that thin face, which was also shining with tears. "He said, that because I would be King, I needed to show my superiority to you, to remind you that you would never be King."

Loki's hands were over Thor's holding them in place as he gasped great lung fills of air. "I was in so. Much. Pain."

"I know, I know." Thor sobbed, rubbing thick thumbs under Loki's eyes, trying to wash away the tears. But they kept coming, and Thor, in a small part of his mind, likened this to a lancing of a wound. It was painful, and bad stuff was coming to come out, but the would would heal, and be mended.

"I was screaming, screaming so loudly. But I couldn't after. And everyone laughed." Loki took one last gasping breath, and leaned against Thor, resting his head on Thor's shoulder. "Everyone laughed at me, and told me I deserved it. That the Kingdom would be spared my Silver Tongue for a while, and there would be rest from Loki."

Thor rested his head on top of Loki's and stared unseeing at the mirror. His own hand rubbed Loki's back.

"Those people did not deserve to know Loki, if they said that."

There was silence, except for Loki's hitching breaths, before Loki said softly "I thought that it would never end."

"And yet, it did." Thor leaned back and tried to smile at Loki. From Loki's expression, it did not seem he had succeeded. "I will spend every day for the rest of my life apologising to you for that."

Loki didn't say anything, but moved away from Thor, back to bed. He curled up underneath the covers, and turned his back to Thor. Thor ran a hand through his hair and eyed his reflection in the mirror before turning off the light and leaving the bathroom. He went to the bed and curled up around Loki, but Loki, for the first time, did not curl back into Thor.

Thor realised that he was going to be in for a very tough week.

 

 

********************

 

 

Loki has nightmares.

Wretched, screaming nightmares.

Thor is loosing valuable sleep, because he stays up at night, hugging Loki tightly to his chest as Loki sobs "No...no...not him" to the demons in his dreams. He cried more tears that he ever has in his life, and Loki's scratches his arms to ribbons, his fingernails turing into sharp claws in desperation. Thor is reduced on such nights to whisper soft, sweet things into Loki's hair, all in an effort to try and draw Loki out. 

It doesn't really work, and Loki is often shocked awake, clutching at his lower stomach and reaching out a hand to try and get what was taken from him back. 

Thor knows about the lost children, the offspring of Loki and the Chitauri, and he knows, just as he felt when he first saw Sleipnir, that he would have loved those hideous children. Because they were Loki's, and what was born of Loki could never be ugly.

Loki spend on night lying on his back, dreaming of labour, whilst Thor clutches a hand and wipes sweat from Loki's brow. Loki grits in teeth and heaves, producing nothing from the slit between his legs, behind his cock where his testicles should be. But in his dream, he gives birth to a small blue child, so far the most like him in appearance. It is nearly fully formed, and cries in fright when it appears. He sees it only for a moment, when a hand comes down and wrenches it away from him, and he hears the Chitauri cry out in joy, then the awful sound of bones crunching, whilst Loki tries to stem the bleeding between his legs and howls in sorrow.

When he wakes, Loki is quiet, and for the most part, Thor lets him be. But when Loki talks, it is always in the dead of night, when Loki is awake but still seeing the Other Place.

"You had nearly a dozen more nieces or nephews." He whispers, his eyes feverish with fright.

"Children, my love. My children, as are all of yours my own children."

Loki doesn't hear.

"Did you now," he says, "I got to hold one?"

Thor muffles his sobs in Loki's hair.

"I held one, in my arms. They told me that I could keep her, that she would be my gift if I obeyed. I said yes, and fell asleep, and when I woke up, she was gone, and they laughed at me and told me she had made a fine supper." 

Loki cannot sob, so in shock is he. But Thor can, and so he decides to cry for the both of them.

Sometimes Loki dreams about Thor, and the many ways he died in front of him. He reaches out in dreams, his eyes wide with dread, and when Thor falls, he cries out Thor's name in a single, broken scream. Often, Thor wakes Loki up by rubbing Loki's hand through his beard, the sharp bristles waking Loki up. After those nights, Loki will wake and cuddle Thor close, whispering his name and stroking his hair, hardly believing that Thor is in his bed. Thor in turns strokes the raised whip marks on Loki's back, and the shiny burn that covers Loki's left him, and decides that, should he find the world the Chitauri come from, he will rain molten fire until it burns out of the sky.

 

 

*******************

 

 

It is after an awful night, when Loki had dreamed of Thor falling beneath his own Fenrir's mighty jaws, when Buck wandered up onto Thor's floor to say hello. He had finally ben cleared but the remains of S.H.I.E.L.D, and was living with and sharing Steve's bed, and so he thought that it would be a nice idea to go up and thank the man who had essentially brought Bucky back to reality.

He finds Thor clumped over his kitchen table, staring blankly into his coffee cup but making no move to drink it. He looks at Thor's arms, and sees deep scratches, which eve now are healing. Thor has pulled his hair into a rough ponytail, and he doesn't notice Bucky until Bucky stands almost beside him.

"James Barnes! What a surprise!" Thor exclaims with delight. He sets down his mug and moves to put a hand on Bucky's shoulder. He pulls himself back, seeming to remember that Bucky should be the one to initiate touch.

"Bucky, please." He says, and moves to Thor, putting a hand on his shoulder. Thor lets out a breath and moves to his own coffee machine, asking if Bucky wants one. Bucky nods and sits at the island.

He's sipping coffee when he hears a weak "Thor?" come from the bedroom. Thor immediately puts down his mug and goes to the bedroom, forgetting to shut the door behind him. Bucky leans over and watches through the door, continuing to drink. He had always been intensely nosy, a trait that had survived everything that had been done to him, even when other methods hadn't.

"Loki." Thor bends over the bed and wipes Loki's hair from his eyes. Loki follows that hand weakly with his own hand, grasping it and entwine the fingers.

"I heard a voice." Loki whispers. He looks briefly scared, but then he looks at Thor's face, and sees no need to worry there.

"Bucky Barnes is here."

"Ah."

"I think he has come to see you."

At this news, Loki curls up into a smaller ball. "I don't think he's want to see me."

Thor frowns. "You saved Steve Rogers, that man that he loves. I would think that anyone in that situation would come to say thank you."

There is silence, before Loki uncurls and sits up. He looks as bad as he had been when he had last been on Asgard, and Thor feels his stomach clench. But he nods, and walks out of the door. He sees Bucky spying, and frowns at him. Bucky stares unapologetically back.

"You can go in. But please, don't do anything to aggravate him."

Bucky nods. "I understand." He hops off the bar stool and strolled to the bedroom, where he could see Loki up close. The man looked awful, with dark circles under his eyes, and sore cheeks from where he was constantly scrubbing tears.

"Hello Bucky." Loki said tiredly. Bucky cocked his head in confusion at the familiarity.

"I told you at the hospital I would become your friend, and I believe I am."

Bucky thinks for a moment, and then says slowly "Yes. Yes, I believe you deserve to be my friend."

Loki smiles, but his smile flickers in minutes, and he goes back to staring at his hands. Bucky sits on the endue of the bed and stares at those hand, with their long fingers and the black nails.

"You look terrible." Bucky finally says, and ordinarily, Loki would object. But he is too tired, and feels to numb to do anything. So he says nothing.

They sit in silence. For a long time.

"I have nightmares too." Bucky whispers. Loki looks at him from under his hair. 

"What do you dream about?" he asks. Bucky shrugs.

"Things I did. I dream about killing, a lot. Too much, probably."

"So much death." Loki whispers, and shivers.

"Sometimes I dream about the Wipe. Like my brain was on fire, and all I could do was scream." Loki looks at him, temporarily confused.

"Wipe?"

"They would, uh," Bucky says, and rubs a hand along his mouth, suddenly feeling sick. "They got a machine, that would wipe my brain. Take all my memories, turn me into a blank slate. I forgot everything."

Loki listens in silence, and picks at the skin around his nails, until eventually one finger is bleeding. He doesn't even notice.

"I dream about the parties they would have. They would thaw me, and take me out, and I was a fucking party favour. I got fucked by," Bucky gasps, " _so many people_. I'd wake up, and I would be hurting, and I couldn't explain why I was walking funny, or why there was stuff frozen to the inside of my legs, or why that fucking bastard Rumlow was looking at me and laughing."

Loki doesn't look up, but he listens, and absorbs, and maybe, just maybe, there was a person in this Tower as bad off as he was. He had said so, that one night in the hospital, but hearing it from Bucky, not the Asset, not the man, was something else.

"I almost," Bucky was sobbing through false laughter, "I almost welcomed the Cold. It would end the pain, and sometimes I dreamt of Steve. Not Steve as he is now, but Steve as he was, skinny and ninety pounds soaking wet."

"I dream of my children."

Bucky remembers. "The ones you lost." 

Loki nods. "All my babies. All of them, taken from me. And I dream of the torture, when they would whip me until they took my skin off. I dream of Thor, endlessly dying, sometimes from my own children."

"The dead ones?"

"No." Loki sobs. "My children still alive. Sleipnir, Jormungandr, my strong Fenrir and my beautiful Hela."

"You got kids." Bucky says in wonder. Loki nods, tears dripping from the end of his nose.

"All alive, and all part of my torment. The only one I saw reach adulthood was Sleipnir, and he serves Odin as a  _servant_!" Loki howls, clutching the blanket to his chest as the last images of his children flash through his mind. In the kitchen, Thor squeezes his cup for too long and breaks it, spilling hot coffee everywhere. He doesn't notice.

"But Thor is still alive!" Bucky says, reaching over to grip Loki's hand and using the other to wave through the door. 

Somehow, this pierces Loki's brain, and his crying stops. Bucky, seeing the result, presses on.

"Thor is alive, and waiting for you in the other room! He wants you to get better, and I want you to get better, and so does Steve! We all want you to get better, because Thor is alive, and you are alive, and I am alive thanks to you! And Steve is alive thanks to you! And I know," Bucky now grips both Loki's hand in his own, staring hard into despairing green eyes, "I know that the rest of the team are gonna love you."

"But I cannot stop seeing it! All of it!" Loki hisses. Bucky shrugs.

"Neither can I, but I wake up, and Steve is lying next to me, and he's big and warm and there, and sometimes that is all I need. And if I need to talk, then I wake him up and I talk, and he hugs me and we go back to sleep."

Loki listens, and chews his lip. He then takes a big sigh and lies down, still holding Bucky's hand. Bucky lets go of his left hand and strokes it through Loki's hair, shifting it softly until Loki goes to sleep. When Loki breaths deeply and evenly, Bucky stands up and goes to the kitchen, where Thor leans against the bar, face covered by his palms as he sobs softly.

"Thor." Thor looks as Bucky. Bucky smiles softly and gestures to the room. "Your man needs you."

Thor nods and, as he passes Bucky, he places a hand on the metal shoulder and whispers in Bucky's ear "I cannot thank you enough." He then goes to the bedroom and curls up with Loki, not bothering to close the door.

Bucky smiles and steps into the elevator, pressing the button to go down. He thinks getting Loki to talk, and to sleep without nightmares, counts as one of his good deeds for the day.

And for a split second, he feels his soul lighten with relief.

 

 

*****************

 

 

Loki still had nightmares. Some things just cannot be forgotten. But now he had someone to talk to, a friend in Bucky, and a friend in Steve.

And at night, when he woke up shaking and sweating, Thor would lean over, and gather Loki in his arms, and together, they would help fight Loki's demons.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Loki was in bed when Thor left for the morning, during that last week. He had fallen behind on his meetings with the Avengers, and so he needed to show himself more. Loki was tremendously lazy when he wanted to be, and that morning, Thor could have walked a brass marching band through the room and Loki would not have woken. So Thor pecked him on the cheek, and walked to the communal living area.

Loki was not in bed when Thor returned. Thor frowned and set down Mjolnir on the sofa, which groaned and sank into the carpet.

"Loki?" he called.

"In here." He heard from the bathroom. He crossed to the door and knocked. He could hear Loki shuffling through the wood, before he heard Loki whisper "Come in. But close the door behind you." Thor opened the door and closed the door, before looking at Loki, and dropping his jaw in shock.

Loki was sitting on the edge of the bath, shuffling his feet. He was dressed in only his towel, which was good, because suddenly Thor wanted nothing more than to strip Loki of all clothing.

Because for the first time, Loki was in full Jötunn form.

Azure blue skin, with light blue raised lines decorating it. His eyes were blood red, and Thor could see, at his hairline, budding horns were growing. Thor's mouth suddenly felt dry, and he swallowed.

"I, um," Loki tugged at his hair, and looked everywhere but Thor. "I have more control over it now."

"Can you change at will?" Thor whispered, mesmerised by the sight before him. Loki nodded.

"I think I need to stay in this for more often. My head hurts here," he gestured to is hairline, "if I don't." He bit his lips. "I think I need to let them grow through."

"Will they be big?" Thor asked through a mouth like sandpaper. Loki shook his head slowly.

"I don't think so."

There was silence, whilst Thor looked his fill, and Loki grew more and more tense. Finally, after a long silence, he snapped at Thor "Am I repulsive to you? Why do you stare so?"

"What? No!" Thor cried, moving to Loki and placing his hands on cool shoulders. "Never, never repulsive. You are captivating."

"Your hands are so warm." Loki muttered, gently touching Thor's hands with his own. "Were you not scared i would burn you?"

Thor grinned at Loki. "You would never burn me."

"I would if you irritated me." Loki muttered.

"Then I must not irritate you."

"But you always irritate me. It is a constant thing." Loki teased, smiling slightly.

"Then I must distract you from the irritation by any means." Thor said, and lowered his head to Loki's and kissed him on his cool lips. Loki's opened in surprise and Thor immediately slithered his tongue in, touching it to Loki's. He enjoyed the way that Loki seemed to be cold on the outside, but still warm on the inside. He kissed Loki for a long time, leaning back gently before Loki suddenly squeaked and slipped backwards into the bath. Thor roared with laughter whilst Loki snarled at him from the bottom of the tub.

"Don't just stand there you oaf. Get me out!"

"Don't worry, I shall." Thor leaned down and picked Loki up, cradling him in his arms as you would a babe and walking to the door. He held Loki in one arm and opened the door, slamming it shut behind him as he stalked to the bed.

"Put me down! Put me down!" Loki complained, but he didn't struggle, but wrapped his arms around Thor and kicked his legs in delight. Thor was so wonderfully warm.

Thor let Loki go, who fell onto the bed and bounced slightly. Suddenly feeling rather shy, he looked at Thor thought his eyelashes, and saw Thor standing above him, a wide grin on his face and his trousers tenting at the crotch. Loki reached out a hand and stroked Thor's erection, hearing Thor snort.

"All that for me?" he asked softly.

"Everything for you." Thor whispered back. Loki felt his heart swell with joy. All his life, he had coveted Thor, wanted to hoard his all for himself like the jealous thing he was. Now he had him, all to himself. He leaned back against the pillows, and flicked his towel away, opening his legs to display himself fully.

"And all of this is yours, to do with what you will." Thor's eyes zeroed in on Loki, and between his legs, Thor felt his erection get impossibly harder. 

Thor practically launched himself at Loki, sliding between his legs and claiming his mouth again. Loki kissed filthily, his tongue making obscene slurping noises and his hands entwining themselves in Thor's hair. Thor rubbed himself between Loki's legs, getting more and more frustrated that Loki was undressed and he wasn't.

He sat up suddenly, and stripped off his t-shirt. Loki's eyes widened as he looked at the endless expanse of Thor's chest, and he reached out, his hands teasing Thor's nipples as Thor groaned and struggled with the button on his trousers.

"Let me." Loki whispered and lengthens the nails of his right hand, turning them into wicked claws. He swiped, and Thor's jeans fell to the floor in tatters. Thor grinned in relief and moved between Loki's legs again, letting his cock slap wetly against Loki's cunt and feeling it curl slightly around Loki's own erection. Loki exhales hard.

"How blessed you are, to have both." Thor murmurs, one hand in Loki's hair, his right reached down between their bodies and running a finger along Loki's slit. Loki suddenly arches and gasps.

"A blessing, a curse, sometimes I don't know."

"And now?" Thor rubs his finger deeper.

"A blessing, a blessing!" Loki cries, trying to push Thor's finger deeper. Thor cannot stop grinning, and brings up his hand, sucking on the finger.

"You taste of salt, my love, and snowflakes. A quite delicious taste, I believe I must have more."

Loki can do nothing but gape as Thor wriggles down between their bodies, to where Loki's slit is wet and open slightly with desire. Thor sniffs at the heady scent, and then leans in close, running his tongue along the gap.

"Ah!" Loki cries and tips his head back. One hand reaches down to grip Thor's shoulder (never his hair, never pain. Loki knows pain during sex, and has vowed never to allow it in his own private life) and the other grips the sheets, almost tearing them.

Thor runs his tongue in and out of Loki, keeping him open with one hand, so he can bury his tongue. He finds Loki's clot and teases it with wicked flicks, listening to Loki make broken noises above him. When Loki is occupied, he wets the fingers of one hand and pushes along Loki's cleft to find his pucker. He circles it with wet fingers until he feels it loosen slightly, then slides on finger in.

"What...what..." Loki can only gasp.

"Ssshh." Thor soothes. His finger twists, reaches up until he finds that tiny little nub, and he rubs it. Loki nearly catapults himself from the bed, screeching with pleasure. His body wriggling, he can only grasp the nearest pillow in his hand and pant wetly into it. He can barley stand it. Even with Angrboda, even with a fellow Jötunn, it had never been this good. His chest heaves, and his breathing slowly becomes more and more frantic. He can feel the area between his legs get wetter, and he tries to warn Thor.

"Thor, Thor! I'm gonna, I have to-"

"Yes." Soothes Thor. "I know. Come on, Loki."

Loki gasps on more time, and then his belly clenches, and he cries out Thor's name as he comes, his cunt tightening around Thor's fingers and his passage clenching in time. Thor grins, and drinks Loki down, happy for the offering.

Whilst Loki gasps, Thor reaches over to the bedside, and pulls out a line of condoms. He separates on, and opens it. Loki cracks open his eyes, and then opens them wide, eyes Thor.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, I have not come yet." Thor says matter of factly, looking down at his own erection as he rolls on the condom. "And I think that you can come again." He looks at Loki's own erection. Loki stares at him, amazed, but before he can say or do anything, Thor lies between Loki's legs and slides inside his cunt, filling him to the brim. Loki tips his head back, mouth open and eyes staring into space.

"You're tight." Thor says between clenched teeth. Loki felt better than any maiden, than any man, and Thor knew that this was his match, in all things. This being, lying beneath him, chest heaving like he was running.

"So hot. So  _hot_." Loki moans, head thrashing. He doesn't think he can survive this, doesn't think he can survive the pleasure.

Thor gets himself under controls, and starts to thrust. Loki feels better than anything, and he winds his legs around Thor's hips, trapping him. Loki's arms go around Thor's back, gripping him as he moved.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Loki says with each thrust. Thor gasps and stoops down to kiss Loki, thrusting and fighting for breath. He feels light headed, his thoughts being lost in a haze of pleasure. It goes on like this, this haze, until Loki cries out again, and clenches around Thor, this time his cock twitching as well as he shoots up his chest. Thor kisses Loki through his own orgasm, hips twitching until he stops.

Loki hisses when Thor slides out. Thor rolls the condom off, ties it and lops it towards the bin, getting it dead centre. He lies alongside Loki, both of them panting.

"All this for a bit of blue." Loki says finally, turning his head to grin at Thor. Thor smiles lazily back.

"You look marvellous, I was powerless to resist." Loki snorts and smacks Thor on the arm. They both lie their, staring at the ceiling whilst their get there breath back. Their feels the temperature of the room raise slightly, and he turns his head to see Loki has turned back into his Aesir form. Sly green eyes look at him from between lowered lids.

Thor smiles at him. He reaches out a hand and feels Loki between his legs, feels the slit and the cock he has, no matter the form.

"Am I as desirable in this form as I am in the other one?" Loki asks, already opening his legs.

"As beautiful as ever." Thor says and leans over to kiss him. Loki pulls away and raises an eyebrow at Thor, looking at the string of condoms.

"Were you feeling optimistic?"

Thor grins. "I am a fertility god. I should be allowed to ply my trade."

"No one else." Loki says, suddenly serious. Thor nods.

"There hasn't been anyone else for a long, long time. I only waited for you." He says, moving a slick finger and hearing Loki moan softly. He moves over Loki and whispers in his ear.

"Will it feel as good, do you think, in this form as it did in the other?"

Loki grins and reaches up, holding Thor's face.

"Lets find out."

As it turns out, it does.

 

 

*******************

 

 

For the rest of the week, Thor and Loki barely leave the room. Now they have each other, they seem to be making up for wasted time. They practically become one being, barely leaving each others side.

It is the closest thing to peace either has experienced.

But of coarse, this peace is shattered when Tony Stark wanders on to Thor's floor, wanting to borrow Mjolnir for some industrial hammering, and spies Loki through the bedroom door. He announces Loki's presence to the Tower with the time honoured words:

"What. The.  _Fuck_!"

**Author's Note:**

> Loki's reactions to Harry Potter are mine, because apparently I have a type. I read the last book very quickly, but almost stopped reading when Snape died, so upset was I at his death. Alan Rickman's brilliant acting in the movies had me sobbing (loudly) in the cinema. I thought Loki might be similar.


End file.
